For some reason, over the last few months, I keep getting asked the same question: “How come you’re so cheerful?” This is sometimes followed with one or more reasons why the other person thinks I shouldn’t be so cheerful:
- The weather sucks.
- The economy sucks.
- You got laid off.
- You’ve got a cold.
- You’re behind on your deadlines.
Finally I sat down and really thought about why this kept coming up and came to a couple of conclusions that have never been quite so readily apparent to me about myself.
First you have to understand that I’m a control freak but I’m a weird one – I want to control things but when I CAN’T, I am able to let it go. This is not true for all control freaks but I think I’ve cultivated it over the years in an effort to retain how little sanity I might have. I’ve always known that I’m a control freak but I never honestly thought about the fact I’m a non-standard one before.
I think, honestly, part of my cheerfulness comes from what I deem of as “happy”. I think modern culture and media do us a disservice in the way they try to portray “happy” as some sort of ecstatic state where you are darned near bouncing off the walls. The implication being that if you are NOT in that ecstatic state, you are NOT happy. I am happy most of the time, really, and not ecstatic. I am content with my world, my life, my friends, my family. I am rarely miserable or unhappy but I am rarely ecstatic. This personal view is, I think, part of why my personality is what it is.
Another part comes from the fact that I am very pragmatic and action-oriented. Whatever world exists today IS the world I need to deal with. If I want to change that world, I work toward that end and instead of complaining and whining that it’s not what I want, I work to make it what I want. Small, slow steps sometimes, but steps nonetheless.
For me, at least, complaining a lot about something only makes me focus on it. I DO complain sometimes, mostly to friends, but I try to moderate it. Not even for their sake (they’re usually quite sweet about listening and offering advice and comfort – I love my friends) but more for my own sake. No amount of whining and moaning will change the reality that exists that moment, but if I put my energy into changing what I can and what is import to me, I can affect that reality in the future.
Don’t get me wrong, I can whine and have a huge pity party with the best of them, but I try and continue to try to ask myself if whatever I am tempted to whine about is really worth that amount of energy and attention. Sometimes I give myself a little while to mutter and whine, then move on.
The weather may be cold, gloomy and rainy but my whining that I want to be somewhere else won’t change it – instead I’ll just feel colder and more miserable.
If I ate something I shouldn’t have and now I don’t feel well, no amount of whining will help that. I can change the reality by NOT doing something I know is risky in the first place. It’s my own damned fault, time to suck it up.
I have been lucky in a lot of ways but I also work hard to make my world what I want it to be, and I’m happy. Most other things are day-to-day annoyances that pass even faster if I don’t give them power over me by giving them energy and voice. I don’t do the affirmation thing but it works for others. Instead I just concentrate on being happy with my reality, even if it’s not perfect. I’m cheerful because I really AM happy.
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