April 18th, 2010
S(tarvation) Condition!


On the weekends, I try to sleep in a little or at least laze about in the bedroom before coming down to face the many chores that Must Be Done. This is great for me but my cats are not at all pleased with this plan. I have seven (yes, seven) indoor only cats–the perils of cat rescue–but four of them are the demanding ones. These cats meet me at my bedroom door every morning to let me know they are starving and in dire need of sustenance.

They also try to conveniently forget that they have an entire HUGE bowl of dry cat food at all times. That’s not real food, after all–or so they claim.

Now the indoor cats are banned from the bedroom due to some bad behavior and they are Not Amused by this. Even though it’s been almost a year since they were banished. I’m not sure they will ever accept it as the new “normal”. When the start to hear Mr. Maura and I stirring in the bedroom in the morning, they take up their stations right outside the bedroom door and commence meowing to try to hurry us along. I’m not sure about anyone else’s cats but mine are decidedly un-musical. A cowbell would be more pleasant, actually.

But today we didn’t emerge within a short time of there being talking and noise in the bedroom and the cats commenced their pestering with even more vigor. As best we can tell, they have set up an S-Con system.

S-Con 5: Cats are hungry but assume the humans will quickly perform their feeding duties. Meowing at the door at moderate volume is sufficient.

S-Con 4: Cats are even hungrier but the humans have already taken longer than a typical lag time. More incentive is needed. Meowing shall increase in volume and cats must thump shoulders and hips on the bedroom door to encourage you to move faster.

S-Con 3: Cats now feel actual hunger pangs. Humans are unresponsive or have begun meowing back or laughing. Mocking is not a satisfactory response to cat misery. Meowing shall become yodeling and scratching at the door shall commence.

S-Con 2: Cats now despair of actually getting two servings of squishy food during this day. Humans are definitely mocking or have become unresponsive again. Meowing is no longer sufficient and cats shall begin yowling and stage gladitorial combat outside the bedroom door to illicit appropriate level of urgency from the humans.

S-Con 1: Cats give up on food and commence retribution. Hairball barfing may commence with effort made to place mess in traffic path and if any shoes are left accessible and unguarded, they shall be peed in.

Cats – who knew? LOL.

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